So tonight, there was this drunk guy who told me my lipstick was too thick. Um, who even NEEDS more than one coat of lipstick? Unless maybe you’re one of those bimbos who think that the only way to deal with lipstick is to buy them really cheap and sheer, in which case, BUY LIPGLOSS, morons.
Also, I’m getting pretty sick of these party poopers who’ve been picking on mah style yo. I’m never overdressed, ahous. Ya’ll are just underdressed. And my lipstick isn’t thick. It’s DEEP BURGUNDY RED, you poorly made up ragamuffins.
Yeah, I CAN SPELL "RAGAMUFFINS". I’m tempted to also google its etymology but I’m too principled.
So anyway, yeah, red lipstick! I used to like Skin Food’s Candy Moist Rouge before I realized it was more pink than red in proper lighting. Skin Food’s lipsticks are super moist and glide on like a dream BUT I hate their shades! And I’d rather have Sahara lips than wear some of those shades, to be honest.
The current favorite is MAC’s Dubonnet. I like to use MAC’s lip pencil in Burgundy as an all-over base since we all know how much of a bitch red lipsticks can be when it comes to, well, keeping them on your lips.
Red lipsticks are so high-maintenance, they make Naomi Campbell look like a nun.
ANYWAY, I shall now "swatch" the aforementioned products for you. Giggle, giggle. I said "swatch".
From top to bottom: Candy Moist Rouge, Dubonnet, Burgundy
K, so I know that the rule of thumb is to go for true reds (to be safe) or reds with orange undertones if your skin has warm undertones and blue undertones if your skin has cool undertones (I am aware of the number of times I used "undertones" in one sentence, all right?), and all of these shades are bluish even though I’m a pretty yellow Asian and as I mentioned, I now know better than to keep liking that Skin Food one, BUT YOU GUYS, Dubonnet is just. SO. GORGEOUS.
So now I’m thinking, maybe for DEEP reds, the undertones don’t count for shit. I mean, I’m pretty sure Dubonnet makes me look like Liza Minnelli in New York, New York instead of Liza Minnelli in Michael Jackson’s 30th Anniversary Celebration. With Burgundy under it, it’s even more gorgeous. And let me tell you, I ate a BURGER and my lips stayed beautiful!
To sum it all up, Dubonnet = GORGEOUS. Also, I think it’s abominable that people around here don’t wear red lipstick seeing as it’s so FABULOUS. I mean, you can go out in your 300-pound brother’s wife-beater, and a pair of sneakers but if you’ve got a really beautiful red lipstick on, you’re set to go!
Although a set of appropriate underwear wouldn’t hurt.