Gunk Fury

WELL, HELLO THERE. Remember me? I’m the girl you used to pretend to like. I hope you somehow find it in your healthy little hearts to continue the charade as though I were never absent.

As a well-meant but embarrassingly inadequate apology, I give you the four Nars duos I’ve been meaning to review since Obama became president.

I iz sorry.

I consider Laura Mercier to be a very feminine, elegant brand. Its entire line, from packaging to shade selection, always has an air of sophistication about it. As I haven’t a sophisticated bone in my body, this may be why I don’t own a lot of Laura Mercier products. You may not laugh.

Let it be said that I don’t hate the brand! Quite the opposite in fact. When it comes to neutrals and No-Makeup makeup, LM has some of the most gorgeous products. I sigh and lovingly swatch half the products on display every time I pay Rustan’s a visit. The only reason I don’t splurge on LM gunk is because I would rather spend money on crazy WTF colors than neutrals that would serve the same purpose as the ones I already have in my collection.

I thought it was about time I tried a more Lisa Eldridge approach to doing my eyebrows. She seems to have a propensity for a more natural look when it comes to eyebrows; unless a look calls for it, she never draws them on very structured and precise.

Nobody does natural better than Laura Mercier, so I headed over there and picked up this brow powder duo.

Going natural…

The moment MUFE’s Aqua Liners showed up in a Pixiwoo video, I knew I wanted them. According to MUFE, these liners are the favorite of synchronized swimmers. Also, mermaids.

I got one in a color I knew I would love as soon as its teal gorgeousness popped up on my computer screen.

It will sTEAL your heart away.

Whatever mastery of language I possess, I shall now momentarily abandon.

WIEAKREJOQERHEIAOJFEIOAJWPOJEI22WKAJOWJ-0A-1234!!!!!!!!!! LIP TARS, SQUEAL SQUEAL SQUEAL!!!!!!!!

Lip Tars and Panties

theBalm’s Liquid timeBalm Spot Concealer with Tea Tree Oil is like the friend who will make you soup and feed it to you when you’re at your darkest hour. It may not be the best soup in the world, but it sure tastes like relief.

My skin was the worst it had been in years, and I was convinced that nothing but tea tree products were helping. Gunkies who’ve had acne probably know how terrifying and frustrating it is to have to cover up breakouts with concealers that could potentially be making everything worse.

Just imagine my excitement when I realized that a concealer that had in it my favorite acne-fighting ingredient was actually available and being ignored in the nearest Beauty Bar.

My breakout broke into a happy dance.

This is a post of many firsts (TONGUE-TWISTAHHHH). First E.L.F. review, concealer review, highlighter review, and the debut of my new, totally legit watermark! I have Franny of No Bees, No Honey to thank for this protection against the image thieves I will forever insist exist. Holy crap, I’m all about the tongue-twisters tonight, aren’t I?

Anyway, today we are discussing an E.L.F. concealer/highlighter duo. I always tell people that concealer is something one absolutely must invest in. They are notorious for caking up and slipping off, and if you want the stuff to stay on, then you’re going to have to cough up the gold.

It’s not that I deliberately avoided drugstore concealers; it’s just that I hadn’t found one that performed as well as I would have liked. Noticed the tenses? Well, you should’ve paid attention, bitchez, because coverage elitism ends like, now.

See? I’m not a brand snob.

Why, hello, gunkies! Contrary to popular belief (and by popular, I really mean the handful of people reading my blog), I have neither died nor gone to live in the deep woods where the Internet cannot find me. I come to you with an offering of a review.

A lipstick of paramount importance.

Another nude lipstick? I feel feverish! Let’s try a peachy one this time, yeah?

Bacheesus, that’s peach!

No, you’re not dreaming. I’m reviewing a nude lipstick! I’m sure there will be more, so we are going to see how many different ways I can say “true nude,” “beige,” and “more on the pink/peach” side. I shall consider reviewing nude lipsticks a writing exercise.

After Nars’ Belle de Jour, which for me is still the most beautiful nude shade, let me down with its less than stellar formulation, I’ve been heartbrokenly eyeing every nude lipstick with suspicion and doubt. Every time I pick up a sample tube, I’m like, “Well, you’re pretty. What’s wrong with you?” Nevertheless, out of sheer necessity- and really this word acquires a different meaning when you’re a gunkie- I decided to give nudes another chance. Perhaps not all nude lipsticks will focus on my flaws, aka chapped lips, like Belle de Jour did.

This is what singlehood has come to; I am jaded from a bad relationship with a lipstick.

Let the healing commence.

Lip stains are totally trending at the moment. Just when I thought they would be thrown into the drawers filled with the rejects every gunkie thinks are going to be rediscovered as “vintage” (aka moldy and disease-ridden), they pop up like cosmetic fungi and invade the summer scene. Of course, summer has long gone where I live, but then again the humidity never makes obsolete the need for low-maintenance gunk.

I think the return of True Blood might have played a part in the lip stain production spike. Come to think of it, the Vampire Media Movement seems to be going strong in general. Vampy red lipsticks just don’t cut it anymore. Now vampires can go out in the sun (sparkles or no) and have developed a more daytime appropriate lip. Thank goodness they never seem to pay attention to their cheeks though. Otherwise, I’d be reviewing a lip and cheek stain, which is a product I only wear if it’s absolutely necessary.

Since I have a perpetual need to be liked and accepted, I decided to jump on the bandwagon and give the new Revlon Just Bitten Lipstain and Balm a try.

I’ve been bitten!