Gunk Fury

It doesn’t take a genius to swipe on some lipstick. The tricky part is getting it to last longer and wear well through food and other… oral activities. You can’t just apply several layers of lipstick- that is an excellent way to get the gunk past your lip line and more attractively, on your teeth- and setting it with powder doesn’t sound like a very good idea, now does it? So what do we do? Shall we just succumb to our patchy-lipped fate?

Ah, but hope is not lost! In today’s tutorial, we learn that the magic word is blot.

Wanna see a magic trick?

A couple of decades ago, my friend Joseph, who’s an amazing photographer, had me do the hair and makeup for a studio shoot. Everything was in black and white (and absolutely gorgeous), and I highly suggest you check out the official post HERE. Joe was kind enough to give me these colored photos to put on this here pseudo portfolio.

Click me!

theBalm’s Liquid timeBalm Spot Concealer with Tea Tree Oil is like the friend who will make you soup and feed it to you when you’re at your darkest hour. It may not be the best soup in the world, but it sure tastes like relief.

My skin was the worst it had been in years, and I was convinced that nothing but tea tree products were helping. Gunkies who’ve had acne probably know how terrifying and frustrating it is to have to cover up breakouts with concealers that could potentially be making everything worse.

Just imagine my excitement when I realized that a concealer that had in it my favorite acne-fighting ingredient was actually available and being ignored in the nearest Beauty Bar.

My breakout broke into a happy dance.

This is a post of many firsts (TONGUE-TWISTAHHHH). First E.L.F. review, concealer review, highlighter review, and the debut of my new, totally legit watermark! I have Franny of No Bees, No Honey to thank for this protection against the image thieves I will forever insist exist. Holy crap, I’m all about the tongue-twisters tonight, aren’t I?

Anyway, today we are discussing an E.L.F. concealer/highlighter duo. I always tell people that concealer is something one absolutely must invest in. They are notorious for caking up and slipping off, and if you want the stuff to stay on, then you’re going to have to cough up the gold.

It’s not that I deliberately avoided drugstore concealers; it’s just that I hadn’t found one that performed as well as I would have liked. Noticed the tenses? Well, you should’ve paid attention, bitchez, because coverage elitism ends like, now.

See? I’m not a brand snob.

Why, hello, gunkies! Contrary to popular belief (and by popular, I really mean the handful of people reading my blog), I have neither died nor gone to live in the deep woods where the Internet cannot find me. I come to you with an offering of a review.

A lipstick of paramount importance.

One day, I wanted to play with hair more than makeup.

Kind of retro… But not really.

Drama sometimes requires some non-waterproof mascara. Personally, I thought Taylor Momsen never looked better than when mascara, eye shadow, and tears were streaming down her face on Gossip Girl.

In hindsight, pictures of me crying (or drunk) would’ve made this post a little bit more interesting but well, spilt milk and all that, right?



A Beerless Look

It’s always nice to keep an arsenal of beautiful women around when you’re a gunkie. Thankfully, there’s one in my house everyday. Sure, she has a baby to breastfeed and bond with or something, but those are mere details. Where was this baby while we were playing with makeup, you ask? Oh… somewhere.

Lovely mommy, missing baby.

Another nude lipstick? I feel feverish! Let’s try a peachy one this time, yeah?

Bacheesus, that’s peach!

No, you’re not dreaming. I’m reviewing a nude lipstick! I’m sure there will be more, so we are going to see how many different ways I can say “true nude,” “beige,” and “more on the pink/peach” side. I shall consider reviewing nude lipsticks a writing exercise.

After Nars’ Belle de Jour, which for me is still the most beautiful nude shade, let me down with its less than stellar formulation, I’ve been heartbrokenly eyeing every nude lipstick with suspicion and doubt. Every time I pick up a sample tube, I’m like, “Well, you’re pretty. What’s wrong with you?” Nevertheless, out of sheer necessity- and really this word acquires a different meaning when you’re a gunkie- I decided to give nudes another chance. Perhaps not all nude lipsticks will focus on my flaws, aka chapped lips, like Belle de Jour did.

This is what singlehood has come to; I am jaded from a bad relationship with a lipstick.

Let the healing commence.